another sleepless night
too restless
to lie down
no energy
to pace floor
I sit
I wait
observe my vigil
eyes to the east
waiting
for even the faintest light
that just won't come
even the stars wont shine
their joy drained from the sky
the endless darkness
bleeds the hope from my soul
I feel
a throbbing in my head
a pounding in my chest
but it can't be my heart
no
my heart shattered
into pieces of what I knew
of who I was
swept away
in the chilly wind
the last time I saw light
the twinkle lights of heaven
in loving pools of green
her body bathed in candlelight
shadows played by fire light
and then the long night
every breath is a curse
for the man I knew is dead
but this empty shell lives on
not with the gentle sweetness
of moments with you
but with taunting memories
pounding in noisy haze
how could have God
brought heaven to my lips
salvation to my eyes
eternity within my arms
and slashed it from my being
there can be
no lesson
no consolation
no relief
what hate for me
He must have
to lift me up so high
and slam me down so low
I saw Him
I felt Him
In her heart
I trembled in anticipation to see her
I floated so high above
the earth when with her
her heart
so like my own
merged as one in passion
now I have neither
just misty, bleary eyes
waiting for the light
praying
that He bring back a glimpse
or dispose of the waste
that I have become
